Do people regret not having kids?

Whether you made a conscious decision to remain childless, or it was foisted on you by circumstances outside of your control, it is natural to sometimes regret not having children. In fact, almost every non-parent has wondered if they should have had children—especially as they age. So, if you find that being childless is something you're struggling with, here are some suggestions to help you make your situation regret-free.


Acknowledge Your Feelings
It's normal to have regrets. In fact, every person looks back on their life and regrets something. The key is deciding how you are going to deal with those regrets. Even though you may not be able to completely change your situation, how you respond to your circumstances is what's really important.

First, recognize how you're feeling and be truthful with yourself—especially if you long for a different situation. But, recognize that you cannot stay there. In other words, you cannot let being childless define you. You have so much more to offer the world than just being a parent and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.

For some people though, this is easier said than done. So, if you find that your regrets are pulling you down, or if you are struggling with depression or loneliness, reach out for help. Finding a therapist or counselor to help you sort through your feelings is important to moving forward in a healthy way.


Examine Your Regrets
When it comes to not having children, it's helpful to explore what it is that you actually regret. For instance, ask yourself if you truly miss not having kids in your life, or is it the idea of having kids that you really miss? In other words, do you find yourself longing for children in your life every day, or do you only get little pangs of regret at baby showers, wedding showers, and bar mitzvahs when you realize that these are experiences you may never have?

When you really think about it, you may realize that you're actually missing a romanticized idea of parenthood rather than the actual experience itself.
Sometimes people regret not having children because they believe that having a child would somehow make them feel complete. But, it's important to let go of this idea of completeness. Believing that a child will make you or your life feel complete is not a healthy expectation. You should never look to another human being to make you feel whole.

Embrace Your Situation
There is no doubt that there is a lot of freedom that comes from not having children that parents often miss out on. For instance, parents can rarely do things spontaneously and are often tied to specific—and sometimes child-centered—schedules. What's more, their primary social circles often consist of playdates and Mommy and Me-type groups.

You, on the other hand, may have more freedom to travel, sleep late on the weekends, join co-workers for a drink, catch up on Netflix, or any number of things that may help you feel fulfilled. You can operate on your own schedule, with fewer demands on your time than the average parent.

Sure, you may feel a little twinge of longing to be a parent, but if your situation is one that you cannot change, it is important to look for the positives in your life rather than dwelling on a situation that you cannot control. Start by making a list of the things in your life that you are truly thankful for. You might be surprised at how amazing your life already is.

Recognize That You're Not Alone
Sometimes it can feel like you are the only one without kids—especially if everyone in your friend circle has kids. But, it's important to realize that this is not the reality. In fact, there are plenty of people in the world who do not have children, many of whom have chosen to remain childless.