husband away during pregnancy?

I'm pregnant and my husband is away on work for long periods of time. How do I cope with the loneliness?
Answer
Priya
by Priya Solomon Bellani
Being apart and alone during pregnancy can be quite challenging for a couple. It's natural that both of you want to experience this special time together as you welcome the newest addition to your family.

However, hectic work schedules and career choices may mean living apart for long periods of time, but there are ways to close the distance. Here are some ideas to make the periods of separation easier for both you and your husband:

Communicate
It sounds like a cliché, but it's important to keep the communication channels open and talk about what you're feeling and the changes you're both experiencing throughout pregnancy and beyond. You'll each have your own unique emotions, worries, hopes and fears. So make sure you share your thoughts with each other no matter how far apart you are.

Technology is a boon, and with instant communication, chats and message apps, you can connect as and when you want. Share photos, voice messages and video calls at the end of each day. Of course, you can't take away the distance but seeing each other will help you both cope better. No doubt physical intimacy is very important, but an emotional connection is just as important. A compliment, a knowing glance or a gentle smile, such simple actions often accomplish more than a dozen words.

Do things together
Your pregnancy may be as much a revelation to you as it is to your husband. Share articles and videos with each other. You can sign up for our newsletters so both of you can discover more about your pregnancy and baby together.

Buy or download the same e-books and read them simultaneously and share notes. You could read the same pregnancy or parenting book together and prepare yourself for your new roles as mum and dad.

You'll have plenty of time to decide on a baby name – but it's fun to start writing down the possibilities. For ideas, visit our Baby names finder and baby name inspiration lists. Make a list of your favourite baby names. Find some in our most popular Indian names of the year.

Also, there are lots of practical things that need doing before your baby arrives, so now could be the time to plan ahead. You can make a list of all the things you'd like to buy for your baby. Talk about important financial decisions and how you will prepare for your baby's arrival.

Of course, make time for other non-baby related activities together. Play your favourite online video game together or watch a movie online. You may both enjoy that fun, and it may also help you both wind down.

Whenever possible, try to have a virtual lunch or dinner date. Try to time it so that you’re eating at the same time. Skype or FaceTime so you can feel like you’re together.

Share antenatal health reports
If your husband is away, send a scanned copy or a photo of your report or ultrasound scan so he can share the special moments. Some doctors and hospitals provide a CD of the scan or heartbeat at an additional cost. You may want to consider getting a copy.

Most doctors prefer that both parents be present for scans and appointments. If possible and if schedules allow, try to plan some antenatal visits when your husband is around.

Keep yourself occupied
Boredom during pregnancy and pregnancy blues are common. So try to yourself busy with activities that you enjoy.

Find a new hobby! It's important that you find something to do that feeds your soul, and there are plenty of options you can explore.

Why not start a pregnancy journal and share your thoughts with family and friends? Whether you keep a formal journal or just jot down a few notes when the spirit moves you, you'll love sharing these pregnancy stories with your child someday.

If you're not into keeping a diary or a journal, a scrapbook may be the thing for you to record the precious moments of your pregnancy.

Reach out to others
This may also be a great time to connect with friends and family and create a support network. Stay around positive people who will help you look at the brighter side of life. Is there someone you’ve been meaning to contact for months? Now’s the time to get in touch. Message them or give them a call. Whether it's an old friend from school or a long-distance relative, it will probably make their day to hear from you.

A chat may also help you to sort through any worries or niggles you've been having. Isolation can be dangerous and can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair.

The Internet is a great place to connect with people in similar circumstances. If you're coping with a difficult situation, spending time with others in the same boat can ease your burden. Many women create support networks using social media or by joining groups online.

Take care of yourself
If you live by yourself in a nuclear setup, you may not enjoy cooking for one, when your husband is away. However, avoid the temptation to skip meals or eat unhealthy, junk food. Eat well and exercise, and you may find that you feel much better.

You could join an antenatal class that will help you understand your pregnancy and prepare for the arrival of your baby. BabyCenter offers a convenient and free online birth classes that you can watch as many times as you'd like from the comfort of your home, from any location.

Make time for things that you normally couldn't find time for. Pamper yourself with a massage or facial or get a makeover.

Try meditation and relaxation techniques to stay calm and happy. Our feeling good in pregnancy section has lots of tips you could use!

Treat yourself to a lazy day of doing no household chores, add colour to your room with fresh flowers, curl up with a book or watch comedy shows instead of weepy soap operas.

See if you can spend a few days with your family or a friend. A change of scenery helps! If you don't feel like travelling out ask your friends or family to come over and stay with you for some time while your husband is away.

If you're a busy professional, you may be tempted to drown yourself at work to overcome boredom, but, it's best not to overdo it. Refuse offers of overtime, especially if you’re exhausted or if your job requires physical activity. Take time off if needed. Or use an hour or two of vacation time here and there to shorten your workdays.

Don't be afraid to express your feelings
When you're expecting a baby, particularly for the first time, there are lots of unknowns and changes in your life. Plus, pregnancy hormones may make your life a rollercoaster. You may be sad or weepy one day and upbeat the next. Loneliness may make things worse on days when you are already feeling low.

Sometimes crying it out helps! Or maybe you could try talking about it. If you feel you don’t want to share this with your husband do so with someone you trust - someone who will just hear you out and not judge your position or relationship.

Make the most of your time together
It's only too easy for everything in your lives to become about your baby. But it's important to find time for yourselves too, and connecting as a couple is a great way to keep your relationship strong as you journey towards parenthood.Make a list of things you intend doing when you are together. This does not include household chores or baby related stuff though!

When you're together, start saying no to the odd invite. If you have a busy social life as a couple, you may want to think about winding things down a little, and enjoying a few more cosy evenings at home alone.Maybe you could book tickets for a new movie or a musical event. Or dine at your favourite restaurant. You could take some quiet time together such as a long drive, an evening walk down the beach, or a small weekend break.

Book a babymoon and enjoy your time alone. Warning: it may be many years before you enjoy another child-free holiday! Talk about the good things in your life, instead of complaining about being apart.

In the midst of all your baby preparations, take time to bond with your spouse and celebrate what connects you and makes you love one another.

A few ideas: Write down all the things you love about each other, describe why you think the other will be a great parent, talk about your dreams for the future as a couple. Try to do something at least once a week that clearly communicates the importance of your spouse in your life.


Read more on:

Is it safe to make love during pregnancy?
Pregnancy pampering calendar
My wife is upset because I don't go with her for her antenatal appointments. What can I do?